Trauma
Trauma is less about an event and more about the human reaction to something significantly stressful. Trauma is highly personal and relevant to each individual. One person may go through a significant and horrific loss or tragedy and feel lightly affected. Another person may have an experience, that may be experienced by others as mildly stressful, and become so affected they feel they are coming undone at the seams. For many of us, trauma is a series of small events experienced over our life that slowly erodes our well-being and sense of safety in the world and with others (e.g., complex post-traumatic stress),
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Regardless of the "shape" of our trauma, the reaction from stress and distress is a primal impulse we cannot voluntarily control. It is the reaction of our nervous system. Our nervous system is smart and highly perceptive! It senses danger, be it physical, emotional, or psychological, and figures out a way to get us safe. Our nervous system reactions might provide us the mobility to run and flee, fight, or stand up for ourselves. And when we can’t do any of those, the nervous system finds a path to become still, small, or quiet and “erase” ourselves from the situation. These involuntary biological instincts help us manage danger and distress (e.g., sympathetic nervous system engaged).
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When is it a Problem?
Our reactions to trauma are healthy and necessary in the moment of danger. The challenges come when our bodies and minds become stuck in these reactions and read smaller stressors as dangers. This might look like sweating over an email or work project, heart pounding when you pick up the phone or prepare to enter work, that sense of tension in the body that you can't seem to release, losing sleep because you can't stop worrying or replaying the day, startling readily at loud noises, shutting down verbally during a disagreement, or becoming combative or argumentative quickly and easily. Sometimes we experience it as chronic stress and tension in the body (i.e., jaw, back, chest, shoulders, etc.).
When our body is constantly scanning for and reacting to perceived danger in our daily lives we become trapped in a physically and emotionally draining cycle. Our daily life becomes exhausting and challenging. It is straining our relationships with ourselves and our loved ones, often preventing us from really connecting and feeling safe in our relationships.
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How Do We Build Resilience?
The mental health world now knows this cycle of trauma responding is not achieved by talking about the horrific incidences or loss. The body is the path to unraveling trauma and chronic stress. The body is where these nervous system patterns are housed. When we work with the body, gently guiding it back to a more settled state (e.g., engage the parasympathetic system) we start to build renewed resiliency. With curiosity, increasing body awareness, and exploring new paths to soothe our body, we can develop the ability to intentionally shift from a place of heightened awareness to safety. Telling our body when it is safe. Reminding the brain and nervous system the phone call, email, work meeting, conversation with a loved one, or dinner with the family is safe(r). When we soothe the body, we connect to others more easily, experience a deep sense of safety, and are able to tap into those parts of ourselves and others we cherish.